Say Goodbye to Yesterday
“You, just wait,
You’ll blink and they’ll be all grown up!”
How many hundreds of times did I hear that as my boys were growing up?!
So. Many. Times.
And yet, when you’re sleep deprived and tired of changing diapers and making bottles…
Or when you don’t know how you’ll survive One More Sibling fight…
Or you’re up late again, crying for your teen as they face another hurt…
It’s not just the days that seem long,
the years do too.
So much happens each year.
Life is full and exhausting and it truly seems like the parenting years will last forever.
And then you blink, and they’re all grown up.
You see,
My homeschooling and homemaking years were beautiful and abundant.
They were heartbreaking and sleep stealing and joy giving and memory making!
They were frustrating and overwhelming
and filled with the kind of laughter that makes your face hurt!
I always knew I wanted to be a mom,
but never in a million years could I have guessed how fulfilling the process would be!
Now, don’t get me wrong.
It was NOT easy. And many times, it was NOT fun!
But if I could go back in time and slow down the clock, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
(No matter what my sleep-deprived, previous self would think about it!)
This past March, my older son - the boy who made me a mom, who lived through my learning to be a mom and was my best friend at 2 years old - turned 20 years old.
In May, my younger son - the boy who made me a mom after a heartbreaking loss and completed our little family - graduated from high school.
I homeschooled both of my boys…so as he said goodbye to high school,
I said goodbye to what had been my primary responsibility and privilege
for the past 16 years.
In July, that same younger son - “my baby” - turned 18, bought his first car and enrolled in college.
And as I write this, my older son has just received an offer for his first “grown up” job
and is preparing to move out of our home.
And just like that, both of my children are no longer children.
So what now?
What do I do with this new reality?
A reality that is actually the answer to my prayers.
It is the goal of years of investing my time and heart.
My sons love the Lord.
They are wise and they are kind.
They are hard workers and good friends.
They are responsible and respectful, loving and loyal.
They have integrity and great character.
They are a blessing to those they interact with
and I could not be more proud…
And yet…I have never felt so desperate to move the clock backwards…to hold onto the past.
I am so grateful that God is faithful to meet us where we are.
You see, I had been wrestling with all of this for a couple of months.
And in the meantime, I’d been progressing through my regular Bible reading plan each day,
when I found myself in Ecclesiastes reading the words of Solomon,
the wisest man to ever live.
Here’s what I read,
Don’t say, ‘Why were the former days better than these?”
since it is not wise of you to ask this. (Eccl. 7:10 CSB)
Ouch!
It is not wise of you to ask this!
I’ve been mulling over that verse for a few weeks now.
Quoting it to myself.
Sharing it with my friends.
And still finding myself wishing for the past.
Yes, I’m often stubborn and a slow learner.
But it’s hard, right?!
So hard!
When the past was sooo great, so special, so meaningful…and seems like it was so brief…
It’s just plain hard to let go and move forward.
And so, I’ve continued
praying,
crying,
grieving,
and processing.
All the while, I’ve progressed (all be it quite slowly) through my Bible reading plan
and this week,
I found myself in Isaiah 43.
Now, as a side note, I believe that reading Scripture with the context in mind is very important. It is not appropriate to just apply every verse we read to our personal circumstances.
That being said,
while Isaiah 43 was written to Israel in a very specific situation
which is different from my current situation,
we do know that God never changes (Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8)
For that reason,
I believe that the truths that God shares about Himself in Isaiah 43 are applicable to those of us who are followers of Jesus now. (Galatians 3:28-29)
This is what the LORD, your Redeemer,
the Holy One of Israel says:
… I am the LORD, your Holy One,
the Creator of Israel, your King.
This is what the LORD says-
who makes a way in the sea,
and a path through raging water,
…Do not remember the past events;
pay no attention to things of old.
Look I am about to do something new;
even now it is coming. Do you not see it?
Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness,
rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:14a,15-16,18-19 CSB)
I find myself repeating that phrase over and over in my head -
“Look I am about to do something new”
Something new!
I suppose it’s about time that I “come clean” with you. . .
I don’t actually have this figured out yet.
I’m still not sure what to do with my new reality. How to process it.
I’m still not sure how to look to the future with excitement
or how to let go of the past.
But what I do know is that
my gracious and loving Heavenly Father keeps meeting me here-
Right here in this new, painful, confusing reality.
He keeps whispering truth and comfort through His Word.
He continues to be the solid Rock that I can stand on,
when the ground shifts beneath me.
And while I’m not quite ready to say goodbye to yesterday,
I am beginning to look with hope toward tomorrow.
So what about you? Are you holding on too tightly to yesterday?
Are you willing to look with hope toward “something new”?
